I thought I would write about what's been going on, if not for any other reason, just so I will always have an account. It's for me, but if you find yourself reading too, thank you for taking the time and caring enough to know a little bit more about me and this crazy journey.
This past week has been a roller coaster ride for us, emotionally and physically. Sometimes you feel so strong and so solid... then God shakes things up a bit and decides you need to be removed from your proverbial box and taste something different. Last Monday morning (1/10/11), I decided to check my blood pressure at home as I've been advised to do by my doctors on a regular basis. It was 167/118 which I know, and everyone else who monitors their health probably knows is far too high. Also, when you are growing a baby, blood pressures like this can be dangerous and limit the oxygen to the fetus. I've said a little in blogs past about the physical demands of this pregnancy but my blood pressure has been the most touchy. As of that Monday, my doctors had me taking 3 doses of a pregnancy-safe bp medication each day, every 8 hours. That was an increased dose from twice daily a couple of weeks before. So we arrive at the hospital Monday morning, nothing packed, just ourselves and an all-too-familiar feeling as it was our 3rd time making the trip. When you check into the hospital pregnant for high blood pressure, they do a number of things. First, they check your urine for protein to see if your kidneys are functioning. Then they do a tox panel (3 or 4 vials of blood) to check your platelets and liver function. Finally, they hook monitors up to your belly to measure heart rate and movement of the baby as well as put a blood pressure cuff on your arm. Blood pressures are taken every 15 minutes and if they are too high, it will beep after it's taken. We hope to NOT hear that beep, but alas... almost always do. Usually a visit lasts anywhere from 3-8 hours, depending on how long it takes to get test results back and get the blood pressure under control. This particular visit, they decided to do an EKG and an ECHO on my heart just as a precaution. Everything came back normal and after about 7 hours (with no food, 32 weeks pregnant), we were discharged. I know the routine and I know what they are going to tell me. "Come right back in if you have any blurred vision, headache that does not go away with Tylenol, pain in right abdomen, nausea, vomiting". Happily, we went back home to rest and await the snow and ice storm that was quickly approaching. And oh how it did come... we were covered in snow and ice that evening and travel conditions were absolutely terrible. I believe no one in their right mind would have ventured out into that storm unless they had a death wish. No one except... us.
Around 9pm Monday night, my head started to ache. I took two Tylenol, laid down in bed and tried to sleep it off. At about 10:30, the pain was so severe, I knew something wasn't right. I told Chris that the Tylenol didn't work and that I felt like something was wrong. I called my mom and asked her if she thought I should go back to the hospital, since I'd just been that entire day. She also suffered with this during her pregnancy. I ended up calling the on call nurse and she told me to go right in. Well "going in" was not going to be as easy this time around. There were cars in ditches, sliding off the roads, low visibility, ice everywhere, snow coming down... it was the absolute worst timing possible to be driving to the hospital. A 25 minute drive took well over an hour and by the time we arrived, I was almost unable to walk inside. They quickly checked me in and got me into a triage room, in a bed. They always ask your number on a pain scale and I thought to myself, "If I say 10, I'd be passed out, so 9". As I lay there, they tried 3 times to run an IV but because my hands and arms were so swollen, they had a difficult time and now I'm sporting some pretty gnarly bruises. They were finally able to run an IV in my right hand and shortly after started me on a pain medication for my head. While they did that, they drew blood from my left arm to check all of my levels (which remember where normal that morning). After the pain medicine began to take effect, I lose some hours in there where they moved me into a bigger room, turned the lights out and tried to let me rest. Hospital time is not like our time. Around 3am (huge guess), my nurse came in saying my liver enzymes were off and I'd be staying a while for them to figure out what was going on. I drifted in and out of consciousness, vomiting in between, as my head began to feel less and less like an explosion each passing hour. The next day, after a little bit of sleep and blood pressures staying at a safe 'high', I awaited a visit from my doctor. I knew she would be making her way to see me at some point, to tell me what the plan would be (when I'd be able to go home, what exactly was going on with me etc.) When she did finally come, I was glad to see someone who would have some answers for me. She informed us that my blood work came back abnormal and they needed to figure out what was going on so they would need to keep me longer. Ugh. I knew I had been sick- real sick, but I was feeling so much better on Tuesday. I could sit up, sip on sprite, talk, laugh... it felt as though things were really looking up but I know that test results do not lie. So I innocently asked her when she thought we might be able to go home and then my world was shaken. She said, "You aren't leaving this hospital without a baby."
Wait. Rewind. Yes, I am. I have to go home. I'm 32 weeks pregnant. I just got sick!? What are you talking about? I feel FINE now. No... no definitely didn't hear her correctly.
"I'm going home though."
"No, you're not going home. You are going to need to have this baby. I'm not saying today, but soon."
After what seemed like 5 minutes of staring at her in disbelief while she rattled off information to a non-responsive me, I finally snapped back into reality and lost myself. I couldn't breathe and I knew I was about to really start crying... and I did. Chris held me and told the Dr. it was ok, and that I would be ok. I don't remember what his encouraging words were to me in that moment, but I know that I was not prepared for that bit of news. She left us to sort through that bomb that had just landed on our world, and I remember talking to Chris about how Landon weighs less than 4 pounds, he's not ready yet, we aren't ready yet, how are we going to face this? All of these thoughts and questions just come flooding into your brain in moments like that, and there aren't any answers. There's just an inability to figure out how to deal with what it all might mean. We prayed together and we talked a lot and hours passed. My nurse explained to me a little more about what we might face. Time wore away the shock, little by little. By Wednesday morning, they had doubled my blood pressure medication and added a second medication as a supplement. They seemed to be working really well and my numbers were lower than they had ever been. I was feeling so much better. I got up to get showers, ate lots of meals, even put on a little makeup here and there. I talked to a lot of my friends and family which helped to pass the time and was given so much encouragement by them. Chris and I watched lots of TV and talked about everything. I will never tire of time spent with my husband, no matter what the circumstance. We were informed Wed. evening that the following morning, I would get new blood work one, a new protein analysis and we would be able to get a better grip on whether or not I was full blown pre-eclamptic or not. That night, a specialist came in to see us and explain a lot about premature births, what we might face and also give his recommendation to my doctors after reviewing my files. He told us that IF my repeat test results came back normal tomorrow, he wouldn't see why we couldn't go home on full bedrest. I couldn't help but hold on to a tiny glimmer of hope that WHAT IF everything came back normal and we wouldn't have to deliver Landon so prematurely? I asked everyone to pray... and so did we. Thursday morning came and went and soon we found ourselves waiting very impatiently for the doctor on call to come and tell us what was going on. Around 6pm, he showed up. I shot up in bed and told him I was SO happy to see him! He fumbled around with his papers for a minute and very casually told us that all of my levels had returned to NORMAL and he thinks we can go home on bedrest. I cannot tell you how elated I was. I literally felt like I would just hug him. Doctors truly do have the ability to make or break your day. So we packed up, and within the next hour we were on our way home!! It did make me nervous to be going home, when I knew in my gut that I was not out of the woods. Things change so quickly and I know that it can go from good to bad and bad to worse in a matter of hours. Still... to be able to go home after such an emotional and physically painful ordeal was the best feeling.
I had an appointment on Friday which my mom drove me to and that went really well. I felt good about that. Aside from some exhaustion and a very sore body, it was a successful appointment. I was able to spend all of Friday night at home with Chris, resting on the couch and so thankful to be home. So that brings us to yesterday, 1/15/11. I knew I didn't feel quite right when I woke up, but waited until after my medication doses before I took my blood pressure. Sure enough... it was 193/114. I took it 2 more times in the next 30 minutes and it did not show signs of improvement. Chris and I looked at each other and he said, "Let's go."
We quickly grabbed our pre-packed hospital bag, gathered a few more things that we would need and headed back to the hospital. This time, the roads were much less frightening but the feeling in my stomach was not. I said to Chris, "They probably really won't let us leave this time" and he agreed. Once at the hospital, my blood pressure was so high they immediately ran an IV and started a medication that quickly lowers blood pressure. It worked really well and they were able to get it under control. They drew lots of blood again and we had to wait for the results. My body was so puffed up, I looked like a big pink marshmallow. It actually scared me... for me, for my health. Landon sounded great on the monitors, was moving around and seemingly unfazed by all that was happening. I started to wonder if I would be ok. After 2 or 3 hours my lab results came back that all of my levels were NORMAL and they wouldn't be keeping me overnight! They decided to up my medication yet again and told me to go back to bedrest, elevating my feet and watching for any more symptoms. I was actually pretty shocked that they sent me home this time but they said because everything else looks normal, they can't really figure out why my body is reacting so poorly and not responding to the medication. We can only just hope with this increased dose of medication, maybe I can hold out a few more weeks until Landon has some time to grow. I think about him in there, enduring all of this with me... and I hope he's ok. I hope he's not affected by my failing body. I hope he and I can pull through this together, make it through delivery and look at one another and smile :) Chris and thank God every single day for this miracle growing inside of me and the joy he has already brought into our lives. For him, for Chris, for us, I'd do it all over again because I know in the deepest parts of my soul that God knows exactly what He is doing and He makes NO mistakes.
If you've read about my week, thank you for letting me air out my heart. But more importantly, one day I'll look back and read this, look at my husband, my baby boy and smile because of how bright our future looks.
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