I'm someone that believes my physical strength and well being is directly tied to my spiritual strength and well being. Being worn down physically makes my heart long for God to come and pick me back up and remind me again of the beautiful things that I take for granted. I don't know why I write this blog, other than to have my thoughts spelled out for me that I might look back one day in amazement at how silly I was or maybe that some word I type at some point would resonate in the heart of someone else and stir up some feelings of, "hey, I can relate to that."
Usually I find that most of what I write are jumbled thoughts and feelings that probably make very little sense to anyone else but seem to make perfect sense to me :)I'm pretty sure that is how I go through life... living it in a way that makes perfect sense to me but probably seems weird or downright off the wall to others. But hey, because of that, I will probably be the first one to understand your crazy weird ways. The more people I meet, the more I'm amazed how different we all are. What a colorful world... and I like colorful things. In fact, when things start to become too lackluster, I get ants in my pants. For example... today I took Landon on the front porch haha. I considered it an outing. I'm not sure if he liked it or not because lately I'm not sure how to tell what he likes or doesn't like. I thought that was supposed to come with the package- that awesome instict that tells me exaclty what my baby needs? That must have gotten lost in the mail, along with unlimited patience and a magic pill that dissolves the need to sleep. If that package ended up on your doorstep, just go ahead and send it my way, ok? Thanks. I guess I did kind of figure we wouldn't just bring him home and everything would float along like gravy davey, but maybe that is what I hoped. He seemed to enjoy the light, warm breeze on his face, indirect sunlight and new sounds but as quickly as he began to enjoy our moment in the sun, he remembered how badly his tummy hurts and we went back inside so the neighbors don't hate him before they even get to know him! As if that would be possible... come now :)
So today, Landon and I spent most of the day trying to ease his pain and give his vocal chords a rest here and there. I'd like to think that swaddling him up in a warm blanket from the dryer, cradling him in my arms and rocking him close to his mama would take some of it away but the reality is very far from that fantasy. I know as he grows and develops more, the inner workings of his digestive system will catch up and he will begin to feel better but in the meantime if I have to become a vegan for my baby's belly so be it. I'm totally not cool enough to ever be a professing vegan like the other kids, but I'm cool enough to do whatever it takes to help my baby feel just a little bit more comfortable. Maybe tomorrow we will take another field trip out to the front porch and maybe it will bring him some peace, like in those moments that I cherish when it's just he and I and he stares into my eyes and lets me kiss him all over again and again. Even with the corisone cream on his face, I don't care :) What's his is mine and forever my baby he'll be.
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