I guess I should be cleaning or folding laundry or any number of things a more productive mommy would do while baby naps, but instead I feel this need to get some things into writing before I forget.
My little guy is almost 6 months old.. I know. It seems like the last month has gone by so quickly and so much has happened/changed that I wonder if I will get used to how fast babies grow. I grow more in love with him every single day, partly because his eyes just captivate my heart and partly because his smile is what changed my life forever. Recently my little man has started sleeping a lot, too much apparently and he has been getting some tests done. I believe he is fine and have faith that God will always take care of him, but I also believe it's better to be on the safe side and just check on things. I never want to worry anyone because I know how much SO many love this little one, but I also do seek out prayer for my little guy and that's why I've always been so open every step of the way. I know that he has been lifted up in prayer for specific things and my cups runs over because of that. God HEARS the cries of His people!!! To have His people crying out over Landon is enough to make me weep and I do love each and every person for how much they love him!! So that being said, once all of the tests results come back, I will be sure to update and we will move on from there :) I NEVER expected this journey to be an easy one and I have zero expectations for what motherhood "should be". All I have and all I am is wrapped up in what God has done for me, given to me and is doing through me every single day. All I can think to myself is how incredibly blessed we have been since day ONE. Sometimes when I'm driving, maybe I will hear a song that will take me back a few months, or maybe a thought will just pop into my head and I'll think to myself, "It wasn't easy, but it has been my JOY!!!" How many times can we say that in life?! I feel so honored to say that, that God chose me to be Landon's mom and face the challenges we have faced. Ask me 5 months ago and I don't know how clear and concise I could have been about that, but turning around, looking over my shoulder at the winding road behind me, I see light, not darkness. Do I want to turn around and start back down that road, no... never. Miles have been covered and my shoes are worn from the rocky ground. Instead, I turn my face back toward what is up ahead and keep pressing on because while the way is uncertain, it's bright. While the road bends, it leads me. While the storm clouds may come, it's temporary. While the world will try to impose upon us, we've got HOPE. I have so many hopes for my little boy. I hope he will have a little brother or sister to lead (notice I didn't say boss or bully :). I hope he will laugh every single day. I hope he sees the good in people and loves people. I hope he seeks out Christ to satisfy his longings, his broken spirit. I hope he runs, gets dirty, rides a 4 wheeler, rides a tractor, skins his knees so that I can put character bandaids on them, messes up his buttons dressing himself, races his friends, plays hard, loves hard, respects his mama and daddy... I hope I hope I hope. I hope he watches cartoons on Saturday mornings sitting on his daddy's lap. I hope he needs my kiss to heal his wounds. I hope he's tough. I hope he's sensitive. I hope he falls in love! I hope he gets butterflies over a girl and wants to tell me about how her hair smells when she walks by him in class! I hope he is safe but takes chances. I hope he is grounded but FLIES. I hope his life is everything he ever dreamed it would be and then some. So you see... when you have THIS much hope, how you ever lose joy? Landon has taught me more about God and about life than I believe a lifetime could. I'm grateful for that. My grandmother, aunt, uncle and in-laws came down from Maryland this past weekend to see Landon be dedicated at church. My parents came also and you know one day we will be able to tell Landon about the support and love that we have received. It meant so much to Chris and I to commit our son (who already belongs) to God. Some people do not understand the difference between a dedication and a confirmation or christening or even a baptism. When we dedicate our baby, we are simply doing ONE thing and one thing only- promising God that we will raise our child in a home that reflects His word. We do this in church because as part of a church "family" we believe sometimes it may take a village. Sometimes we all need some accountability, some guidance, some leadership and we're thankful to be a part of a church that loves us and loves Landon too. So Landon was not confirmed, he was not baptized nor was he christened. We pray he will give his heart to Jesus one day and then choose to be baptized but until that day, we dedicate to obey God and share with Landon what we believe. It was so special and a day I will never forget... did I mention Landon decided while we were standing up in front of the congregation that it would be a GREAT time to give us all a big stinky diaper!??! :) Gotta love babies :)
Landon's dedication picture:
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