Changing

It's like the sun is shining when the rain is pouring down.
It's like my soul is flying though my feet are on the ground.

Take this heart of mine, there's no doubt,
I'm in better hands now.

Landon is napping and I'm waiting on my mom to arrive to spend the day with us so I think it's a good time to finally write this blog post!

There is so much I feel that I want to say, so hopefully I will be able to comprehensively portray every bit and piece!
From the beginning (including details that may seem insignificant but are important to me):

Over Thanksgiving, my entire in-law family went to Orlando, FL for a week. We go every other year. It was an awesome week. We had a lot of fun with Landon and it was just nice to have some real bonding time with family. Chris's little brother and his wife Lauren, two of our closest friends, had a really difficult time making the trip down. They hit a deer, had to have their car taken to a body shop, were given the "ok" to continue their trip and then whilst just 2 hours away from our resort in Florida, blew a tire on the side of a MAJOR highway with hardly any shoulder. There was every reason to give up hope, to just throw in the towel on this vacation and wonder, "Are we even supposed to be taking this trip?"

I'm glad they did.

They had been trying to conceive for over 18 months and it had become so trying and emotionally draining, yet they never gave up hope that God truly did have something planned for them. Just being so close with them, sometimes I felt the pain of their waiting... longing for them to conceive. I know that God gives some the ability, some He doesn't. No one really knows why and it's a hard pill to swallow when it isn't happening. I have other friends who have/are experiencing this and it pulls my heart out onto the floor for them.

Fast forward to just after Christmas sometime and I receive a phone call from Lauren telling me that she was pregnant and that is why I'm glad they went on that trip to Florida! The trip that almost WASN'T, was the time in their lives that changed everything. I was so elated. Chris and I had already started to plan for an addition to our family and I prayed that God would bless them with their first child before he blesses us with our 2nd. I had been praying that for a really long time. When she told me that, I just felt joy. I had every reason to believe that I was not pregnant yet.

A short time later, I discovered that we were expecting as well. I called Lauren and said, "What would be the craziest, but most awesome thing that could happen?" and she said, "For you to be pregnant too?" :)

We have since found out that our due dates are 3 days apart, which is really exciting! Chris and I are beyond excited to grow our family! I think Landon is going to be a very special big brother and in some ways I feel that God has already prepped him for this role!
He's strong, emotionally and physically. He is resilient, yet sensitive. He is a little trooper of a kid and for this reason I think he will be one heck of a leader. I think the question that everyone is wondering but not asking is if I worry about this pregnancy...
The only way I can answer that is to say that God is not the author of fear and do I have to remind myself of that daily? Yes, I do. I went through some of that at first and I'm sure there will still be times ahead where I give in to fear, but to think about where God has brought us and what He has done in our lives can only make me excited for what He has planned! The things that I fear, pale in comparison to the beautiful plan He has for us. I'm not saying I expect it to be easy this time around. I'm not saying I expect a full-term, non pre-eclamptic, healthy pregnancy... but I sure can hope for it and if God sees fit to do otherwise, I pray that I can praise Him and see the sun shining even if it's pouring down rain. Our experience with Landon shaped us as parents. We were changed. We were made better, I believe and so all I can do is be thankful for that. There were moments in the nicu that I remember crying to Chris about whether or not I'd be able to do "this" again. He would comfort me and say that we don't have to think about that right now. I want to be honest about that because it just shows how God will WORK in a heart! He has worked in mine... moved my spirit to jump into this again with open arms. Pray with us! So far, they have seen no need to move me to high risk and that is a small victory. Time for round 2 Stratmann style- bring it!!! :)

I just realized this is going to be lengthy. Oh well. Those who care to read, will read! Those who don't, I don't blame you!

We talked about how cool it would be if we were pregnant before Landon's birthday party and could tell the family in person. Cool things happen sometimes. I made a shirt online for Landon that read, "Big Brother's 1st Birthday" and planned to change him into the shirt before he ate his cupcake.

It was really exciting to share this moment with my family... especially having my grandmother here.

We are blessed beyond belief to have parents... family... that love us and want us to grow our family. It makes the whole process a lot easier! When I was thinking about Landon turning one year old, SO many things rushed to my mind that I opened up a word document and immediately wrote them down so I wouldn't forget. I wanted to remember all of the little babyisms that make him, him. So here they are!

He loves to bury his face into pillows, blankets or people- basically anything soft.

He gives hugs by slowly tilting his head into a person and very rarely we are lucky enough to get a big open mouthed sloppy wet kiss.

He stands up holding onto furniture and when he’s feeling brave, he’ll get this “here goes!” look on his face, let go and start walking.

He wraps himself up in the curtains and then gets a little freaked out when he can’t figure out how to get out.
He LOVES to wrestle and be very much a rough and tough boy on the floor with his dad. That is when I hear the most giggling.
He is VERY ticklish on his chest and belly.
For such a little guy, he’s tough. He doesn’t cry with a bang of the head or fall. It takes a lot and then I know something is up.
He LOVES to flop around on our bed with us, literally flop all around and bury his face all over the place.
When Ellie barks at him and attempts to get Landon to play by pouncing around him, he cries. He is very intimidated by her. Molly never makes him cry.

He likes to pull on her legs.
He knows what a ball is and what a book is. He will find one when I ask.

He knows who Ellie and Molly are and who Mickey is- mostly because Mickey is not allowed in his bed. Mickey gets thrown out of his crib, so of course I put him in there just to see him get thrown out.
He is loving exploring new food. He wants to eat everything that we are eating but only if we are eating it. If I try to feed it to just him in his high chair, he most likely will not be interested.
He loves books, specifically paper pages that he can rip.
There is no space too small or obstacle too challenging for his little body to maneuver through. Sometimes I think, “now he is really going to get stuck” and somehow he finds a way.
He really does not give up- has always been a fighter since day one.
He doesn’t watch TV, that is my doing but when I do put something special on for him like Veggie Tales or Disney, he really isn’t too interested.
He will NOT sleep anywhere except his bed. He is not the type of child to fall asleep in his high chair, or on the floor, or in a random place. I see those pictures from other families and it makes me laugh just knowing that will never be Landon.
He’s very good about nap time and bed time, usually. Lay him down, shut the door, end of story. He’s in a VERY routine schedule and that’s the way I like bedtime to be. It helps him feel secure.
In many ways, he is ALL boy… I never quite knew what that phrase even meant until I had a boy for myself. Destroy, break, take apart, mischievous.
He looks at the door when the dogs bark. I guess they have trained him!
I have a feeling he will be quite the disciplinarian with the dogs when he is a little older, saying things like “No bark!” and pointing his finger. I have no idea where he’ll get that from.
I hear he has his mama’s eyes, yet they remain a funny shade halfway between blue and green which I’m pretty sure will melt some girl's heart one day.
At one year, he has ONE tooth.
At one year, he says NO words, but understands very many.
He enjoys running errands with his dad and he LOVES to be outside in the dirt.
He is a happy happy boy… people comment often on how happy he is. I hope that never changes.
He is VERY affectionate and again… I hope that never changes!

At one year, it’s amazing how much personality such a tiny little package can hold.